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Monday, May 19, 2014

I am so much more than pretty.


Today I was going through old journals (a typical place for new post inspiration) and I came across an interesting entry from last year.

It was an experience I wrote about, something that actively hurt/challenged me. I was at Starbucks when an older man starting making extremely inappropriate eye contact with me. He was seriously like, licking his lips, and just making me really uncomfortable. It wasn’t funny or appealing AT ALL, and I ended up making a face to show him I was disgusted and rolled my eyes. To which he walked up to me and said, “I don’t appreciate you being rude and making a bitchy face at me when I was paying you a compliment. If a man finds you attractive you should show gratitude. I date girls just as young as you, so don’t act disgusted by me.”

I was appalled, in shock, and just said, “Well, I guess I’m not like the girls who usually respond positively to your so called compliments. I’m not interested.” To which he walked away. I was shaking I was so upset and offended.

I am not saying this is just something girls go through, I know that men also go through a sort of stereotypical judgment, but I do feel these sorts of situations happen to girls more often. As I read the entry of my journal, I put at the end, “I am so much more than an ass grab, a crude, sexual comment. I am so much more than an object for guy to stare at, gawk over, and then in turn approach me and make me feel like less because I didn’t “appreciate” that a low life found me attractive.” I clearly was upset, and rereading in my journal had me relive it, and here it what I feel now that it has far passed.

I grew up in a society that based me off of numbers. Bust size, waist size, hip size. I was shown by billboards and media to seek after pretty, to chase after it like a crazed dog that just found a bird in their yard. I heard the vocabulary that made up appealing girls until I could recite that words that would amount to being worthy: delicate, small, pretty, petite, dainty, woman. And I was supposed to seek a muscular, strong, brawny, providing, man. And apparently I was supposed to appreciate being treated like an object of desire. My worth residing in my physical appearance and nothing more.

And what bugs me, and what I am still trying to overcome is the fact that even after being treated that way, I still spent a great deal of time needing men to view me as “pretty” because that word could be directly interchanged with “worthy”. I am not completely passed this stage, as I often feel like some of my worth is tightly sewn to what my appearance is. But I am slowly beginning to tear apart those seams.

Because I am so much more than pretty. We are all so much more than pretty and dainty and muscular and handsome. I grew up in a society that based me off of numbers, so here are some new ones: we have two eyes to see the world however we wish, two eyes that we stare back into at our reflection, so this time I will tell myself I am enough. I am strong, smart, capable, witty, kind, inspiring. We have 45 miles of nerves running through our body, we have five active senses, and we are incredibly complex and unique individuals. We have a functioning brain and heart, that has the capability to learn and love more about ourselves than anyone else is capable of. I am so much more than what that man saw in me.

We are the person we believe we are, and we are worth exactly what we think of ourselves, and letting anyone else determine either of those things is the greatest disservice we can do to ourselves.

What I know now is deciding to be the girl who loves herself entirely, and all my traits and oddities is not the easiest of paths to walk, but I am worth every step.

Love yourself today. xoxox

8 comments:

  1. I wish I could hug you and thank you for writing this...as a woman and as a mom of three daughters. You are a true gem.

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  2. Full of beauty and empowerment! Great post, Katie :)

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  3. Ugh, that is disgusting what he did. I would have been just as upset by it. I don't know why some guys think their objectifying us should be taken as a compliment. It's infuriating and degrading. But it definitely is hard to get out of the standards society has sadly ingrained in us, and definitely not something I've conquered. Thank you for sharing this. :)

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  4. Very true and well said. Thank you for sharing your words.

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  5. it's also frustrating that instead of actually giving you a compliment he just stared at you. because that makes us all feel super fabulous.

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  6. Yes yes and yes! Beautifully written and oh so true! I would love to share your blog on my page sometime, it's incredibly inspirational. :)

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    Replies
    1. Tawnya, I would LOVE that!! I will email you! (:

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