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Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Some Never Awaken





Today is one of those days I felt like I need writing more than writing needs me. It’s been one of those mornings where my thoughts keep rambling… (Warning: this blog post may make no sense and contain way too many incomplete sentences.)

Since I’ve been home from vacation, a little fear keeps knocking at the door of my mind. The fear of settling and not even realizing that that’s what I’ve begun to do.

Anais Nin has a quote, “You live like this, sheltered, in a delicate world, and you believe you are living. Then you read a book… or you take a trip… and you discover that you are not living, that you are hibernating. The symptoms of hibernating are easily detectable: first, restlessness. The second symptom (when hibernating becomes dangerous and might degenerate into death): absence of pleasure. That is all. It appears like an innocuous illness. Monotony, boredom, death. Millions live like this (or die like this) without knowing it. They work in offices. They drive a car. They picnic with their families. They raise children. And then some shock treatment takes place, a person, a book, a song, and it awakens them and saves them from death. Some never awaken.”

Some never awaken. Is that not terrifying?

 I like to think “hibernating” has a face. It’s the people we see that look so far away. A kind of sadness always hidden in their eyes. Sometimes we even see this look in ourselves. I’m really not scared of this look. I’m okay with having days that I feel like nothing is going right and I need to change something. What I am not okay with, is waking up and seeing this look in my reflection, and then shrugging my shoulders and saying, “Oh well.” And continuing on with a lack luster life.

On one of my flights home, my neighbor kept talking to me about my life. She asked where I worked, lived, if I was close with families/friends, etc. I asked her the same and she said, “I don’t really have much family or friends, and I don’t like my job or my city right now.” And she just sat there and made a face like this was normal to be completely unsatisfied with your life, and to settle. There are 195 countries, 7 billion people, endless job occupations, boundless opportunities. To settle would be the most absurd thing to do. You can change anything that isn’t working in your life, and there would be countless ways to do it.

What I am telling myself today, is that if I am even aware of this fear of settling, it could never actually win. Every day I actively challenge this fear, I face it, by being a little adventurous and a little too curious about life. Why do I fear something that I am surely bigger than?

I want to live a life full of love, wonder, and discoveries. I want to fully live out the things I have planned for myself and stumble upon things I didn’t plan for. My realization is this: there are so many beautiful options, directions, places, people in our world to waste our lives being miserable and consumed with a place or person where we may feel “stuck” is not only settling, it’s illogical.

My wish this Wednesday, to really live. My wish is to let my faith for a beautiful life be larger than my fear of a settled one.
Wishing everyone a wonderful day xoxo

Link up with Anne today at Love the Here and Now and share what you are wishing for.

4 comments:

  1. I swear, you should be a life coach. You have the best views and have so much to share. Every time I read your posts I leave feeling better, challenged, and ready to tackle what is thrown my way. Thank you. :)

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    1. Thank you SO much, Anne! That is a huge compliment. (:

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  2. That paragraph: "I want to live a life full of love, wonder, and discoveries..." It's beautiful. Charged. This is fantastic writing!

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    1. Thank you, Rebecca!! Hope you have a wonderful Friday (:

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