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Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Nine things I am judging on a first date



I think everyone has a list of things they run over in their head when they go on first dates. The other day I was realizing mine is probably a little ridiculous. I read into everything, and I mean everything (see number 3). But this is who I am and I am laying it all on the table for you guys (and girls who want a laugh).

1. First impression, obviously. If a guy texts me "I'm outside" instead of coming to my door, I'm judging slightly. If the guy honks, he might as well just drive off, because there is no way I'm coming outside. If you come to my door, we are heading in the right direction.

2. How he drives. If he has ridiculous road rage, or is just cussing the whole time, red flags. I once had a guy scream out the window at another guy who was driving by (the man in the other car was probably seventy and looked like the sweet old man from Disney's Up) I just about had a panic attack. And road rage means bad temper aka no chance in a second date. Also, what they are listening to on the radio. And if it is so loud that he can't hear me speak, (which may be his goal).
How many girls have had a guy blast the radio, and then lower it when you speak, and then blast it again right as you are finishing your sentence? I get that you like the song, or just don't like conversation, but seriously we have to speak to each other some time.

3. Okay, this is where I really read into things. I judge guys based on how early they use their turn signals. I know this sounds ridiculous, but I have a theory. If the guy is the type to turn on his turn signal a thousand feet before he needs to turn, has been in the turning lane for three miles, and -don't you dare doubt Siri, TomTom, or Google Maps because he trusts them with every ounce of his being- he lives a very safe, practical, everything-planned-out kind of life. Then there's the guy who knows a different route that lets you see a new part of the city, waits till the last second to turn, and is often lost. This guy loves adventure, hates routine, and lives a little more wildly. I swear, this theory is SO true. I've dated both, and maybe I need someone who trusts Siri but also doesn't mind taking a detour.

4. Is he rude to the waiter? Another red flag. If he snaps at the waiter, I'm running or hiding under the table.

5. Does he text during dinner? This one basically speaks for himself.

6. Is he wearing a muscle tank and the same diamond studs as you? Okay, I get that this is some girl's type, but why?!?

7. The kind of date they plan. If the date includes me coming over and watching a movie, that's not a date. Maybe this just rings true for us college girls, but I am so over it. "My roommate's out of town, I've got the place to myself, and I really want to watch the Notebook with you." First, no. Second, choosing a movie that you have stereotyped all girls to love and then picking your bedroom to watch it is offensive and again, just no.

8. Nothing good happens when the date is pushed back to 10 pm or later. I once had a guy ask me to dinner, then say, "actually can I just pick you up and we can go to my place? Around 11?"

7.Another big pointer for me is conversation. If they hate talking, or worst, hate listening to anyone but themselves, I struggle to even keep a nice smile on. If they say mean things about their family, friends, or the person at the table next to us, I'm gone. And my biggest pet peeve: negative thinkers. I am all for a vent session every once in a while, but if you life is run by your negative thoughts that's a whole other problem.

8. It is truly the little things to me, driving safely because he has precious cargo (me), opening the car door, making me laugh, being able to laugh at themselves, good conversation, being kind to strangers, and overall enjoying our time together. I don't need super elaborate, fancy dates, or for you to look like you just walked out of a Calvin Klein ad. But if you do, obviously I won't complain.

9. I am human, so there are some things that matter that I guess are superficial. Number one, fingernails. I'm itchy just thinking about guys who have super long, dirty fingernails. Please, just clip them. I am not asking you to use cuticle oil and to decide if you like a round or square cut (that would be just weird) but please, clean your nails. Secondly, teeth. If they look like they haven't been brushed, I just can't handle it. Also, gingivitis is a infection of your gums, so you can't just say they are naturally red and puffy. Those two things are basic hygiene. And naturally, body odor and greasy hair fall into the hygiene category.


My dating horror stories:

My date opened the door for me. Then said, "Got your door because I'm a f$#king G!" I still ask myself why I even got in the car.

My date and I got coffee and then went to a park where he went to his car and took off his shirt and said "I've been running a lot lately" and stared at his abs. When I clearly wasn't interested he said, usually when I do this, everyone at the park stares. Because you look like a tool. Oh, and because it was about 60 degrees outside.

This guy asked me out, and in the text addressed me as "babers." Maybe if I had known you longer than five minutes and if you hadn't stolen my number out of the computer system at your work, but even then "babers" is just wrong. And did I mention he stole my number out of the computer system at his work?

My Wednesday wish: that these tips help some girls. Also, be free to share your horror stories in the comments because everyone loves to hear them and I want to know that worse things have happened than what I listed above.

Happy Wednesday everyone! Link up with Anne over at Love the Here and Now and share what you are wishing for this Wednesday.


20 comments:

  1. I'm sorry to laugh at your past experiences, but I fully admit I chuckled. Just ewww. Plain ewww. Babers? Wow. And you wonder why some of these guys are still available! ;)

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    1. Haha, I am so glad I can share it now and get a laugh out if it! I still tremble at the term "babes" though, haha!

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  2. I too laughed at your post because I've had some weird first dates too, or some "attempts" at one. I once had a man show up to my job in a tuxedo with a dozen bouquet of red roses and stand in line to ask me for a date, this "might" have been considered sweet until I went to my car when I got off work and saw that he had dangled a necklace on my outside rear view mirror, put 300.00 in cash in an envelope under my wipers( he had heard me tell someone that I was moving away soon and driving to Pennsylvania) put 2 dozen roses in a glass vase under my trunk on the ground and a stuffed batman doll drenched with his cologne, ummmm can you say stalker?? of course I didn't accept his date and it pissed him off even more, but hey sometimes you just know when to run from someone.... great post! lol

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    1. haha, oh my goodness, Heather! Your dating horror story had my laughing! It is so crazy what us girls have to go through, but that guy clearly took it to a whole new level. The batman doll... yikes!!

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  3. Ohh my goodness, your date stories made me giggle. That first one about what the guy said to you when he opened the door...ohhhh boy!

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    1. So crazy what guys think are acceptable things to say! haha Glad you got a laugh!! (:

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  4. Oh maaaaan those were crappy dates!! This is a great list though - all of it rings true, no matter the age!! Maybe it's not movies in the bedroom at 30 but if it's just as unimaginative (let's just meet at the bar and have drinks...ugh) it is still a red flag.

    I wish you a really, really, REALLY great date sometime soon!!!

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    1. haha, I love that there is a red flag at every age! Thank you for the wishes, xoxo!

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  5. Oh my gosh... I have to say I've been luckily spared anything like this by my husband being my first boyfriend. I did go on a couple awkward meals at college with other guys, some dates with another guy who was quite decent, but that's it. Yeah, I'd say I'm quite lucky... You deserve an amazingly awesome guy who is blown away by the incredible person that you are, and I really hope you've reached the end of dates with creeps! :) Oh and btw, I bet #3 is dead on--makes sense to me!

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    1. Kacie, thank you for your sweet compliment! I am hoping I have gone through enough bad dates to get a good one soon! haha
      So happy you and your husband found each other early on, those are always the sweetest love stories. Have a great weekend, Kacie!

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  6. Texting during dinner and/or texting on a first date is so rude! This is a great list of things to check out + observe on a first date, because like you pointed out, it's probably indicative of how they'll act in the future.

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    1. Right?!? The texting things kills me. I get that we are a techy generation, but still, so rude. Thanks for stopping by!!

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  7. Hahaha love this, major turnoffs!

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    1. I am glad you got a laugh, Shane!! Too funny that so many of us girls have the same views!

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    1. I am glad more woman agree! Now if only more guys would read this...
      Have a great weekend, thanks for stopping by! xoxo

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  9. Some people are just oblivious when it comes to how you should act on a date! haha I have sooo many horrible stories (I did online dating for two years off and on, and I met a lot of oblivious/rude jerks!). I went on a date who looked like Ryan Reynolds' twin. Too bad he didn't act as nice as he looked! During our date, he asked me how much money I make... and then right when we were about to leave, he said he couldn't stand up because I gave him a, welll, what guys get when they get sexually excited. haha. I was disgusted. I don't know why the hell I didn't just walk away right then and there.

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  10. Babers? That is wrong on so many levels. I think we all have a list we go through. I can't stand how today's society is so laxed. No I don't want to go to your house and no do not just honk when you're outside. I hear you on these so much!

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  11. Stop it right now. How did I miss this post?!?!?! Oh my gosh I am dying!!! Only, reading through this, I wished you'd been sharing these stories with me over drinks. Perfect girl night! Okay now some thoughts- "effing G?" Was he serious?! Omg Katie hahaha. And "babers" literally made me want to vom. That and #9. GAH!!!

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