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Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Rain or Shine

I am learning quickly that these appointments with Lizzie will never be easy. Even if there is good news, the uneasiness comes in the waiting moments before the news is told. It’s in those moments that my body just kind of freezes, my thoughts travel to the darkest of alley ways. Yes, I am always praying for the good news, but when I do that I am also reminded of how hard I prayed when we first heard the word cancer. I am reminded of the way Lizzie knees fell out from under her when she heard the news. The screaming, the tears. I am being reminded of all these things while sitting in the waiting room, holding on to Lizzie's hand. 

Once we arrive in the room for Lizzie's ultrasound to see if there has been any growths, it's quiet and awkward. I shift in my seat as I watch the technician carefully examine Lizzie's stomach. The most difficult part is that we don't get to know any results until Lizzie's oncologist reviews it. So for now, I am doing my best to make out what is on the screen. Lizzie looks over at me for some sort of reassurance, so I smile. I am constantly fighting back tears in these doctor's appointments, while constantly holding an unwavering smile for her. 

We finish the appointment and choose a place for lunch. We don't talk about the 'what ifs'. We simply can't. We soak in these moments of being happy and healthy. We make plans for trips, we talk about adventures. We plan as though everything is going to be alright, I've learned that you kind of have to.

It rained and Lizzie and I decided to drive to our first home we can remember living it. It's about 40 minutes from where we live now. We drove past our elementary school, our "mini mart" where we picked out ice cream, we went into a bookstore, and we listened to music. It started to pour, but instead of hiding out in the car, we went to the park my mom took us to all the time when we were kids and we danced in the parking lot. We laughed and took silly pictures. 






It's in the moments of dancing in the rain that I feel God's presence. Him saying, "You know things are going to be okay, I have plans for you two." I feel my sweet Gram who passed smiling and dancing with us. I feel a nod from the Universe. All signs that things are going to be alright. 

Lizzie and I got in the car, our clothes splattered with rain drops, our hair wet, everything slightly messier than before. We laughed and talked some more. I believe in the goodness of tomorrows. I believe Lizzie is going to be alright even if things aren't alright. 

When people ask me, "Well, how do you really know?" 

Because we can dance in a down pour. We can laugh and be silly in a storm. Lizzie posted the picture below yesterday and captioned it "Rain or Shine". And that's how I know. Rain or shine, we've got each other. My sweet sister, you are always shining.



11 comments:

  1. What beautiful pictures of two beauties! I love this (do you ever get sick of me saying that after very post you write?). Learning to dance in the rain is a wonderful thing. Embrace the joy that is right in front of your eyes. Have faith that together you can face anything. Sending love and prayers your way!

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    1. Anne, you are the sweetest! Thank you. I never grow tired of that compliment! And that you for the love and prayers. xoxo

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  2. Wow! You two are so gorgeous! I have never danced in the rain before, that looks like so much. You would think with twenty years of life under my belt I would have done that once haha. Praying for you!

    www.bellevieblog.com

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    1. Hi Haley! Thank you so much for the compliment and prayers. And thank you for stopping by! (:

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  3. Sending many thoughts and prayers to you and Lizzie. Since my husband is a cancer survivor, I can totally relate to what you both are going through. Every six months we go through the "what ifs" when he returns to Houston, TX for his check-up with his oncologist. It's a gut-wrenching experience. Hold on to your faith! It will get you through these trying times. Love and hugs to you both.

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    1. Stephanie, thank you for your kind words. I hope your husband is doing well, praying for continual health for him! xoxo

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  4. So incredibly gorgeous..the pictures, the words, all of it.

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    1. Thank you so much for your kind words! And thanks for stopping by.

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  5. XO. You two have beautiful souls - you are so blessed to have each other!

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    1. Thank you, Emily! We definitely are blessed. xoxo

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  6. this is so beautiful. how wonderful you have each other to lean on.

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