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Monday, January 19, 2015

Thankful & Grateful

image via pinterest


I found myself kneeling on the pavement, co-worker beside me, not knowing what we were staring at, but trying to look as convincing as I could that I knew what was wrong with my nearly flat tire.

"There's a nail in it," he said. "Do you have a tire pressure gage?"

In my head: I wish I knew what that was. "Um, no?"

"You can borrow mine." And there I was, reading on a tiny digital screen, that my tires that needed 26 pounds of pressure, and could only take 9 at the moment.

I have never been taught tire pressure, I don't know these things about my car, and in that moment I wish I did. I try to not be bitter, but as this father of two girls knelt beside me and pointed to the nail, I thought about how his girls probably knew how to do this, and they were probably taught over laughs and bonding.

I think of how I have never known how to do anything about my car. I think about how when I was 17 and got pulled over for my taillights going out, the officer said, "Did you Dad never teach you how to change your lights? Just have him do it." I said, "Yes, officer" and went quickly home and YouTubed what it was I needed to do to not be in the dark again.

My coworker waited till I got off work and then we drove to a gas station to get my tires filled up. The drive over, I just smiled.

Because things have been going in a completely different direction lately than I have planned.
And we all do that, right? We hope, we pray, we hold on so desperately to how something should go. I have this idea of how things will go and who will be there for me. I grip those ideas like they are "the answer".

As I was driving over, thinking about how I slightly despise my car for always having an issue, I loosened my grip on what I have been carrying as "the answer." Because although I did not plan on this happening, and although I had things to do, I had someone willing to help me.

Like I always do.

Sometimes when your taillights go out on New Year's and you get pulled over by a mean cop, or your tire goes almost flat, or you fight head to head with scholarship deadlines, you realize that this fight, is what life is.

What's incredible for me to realize, is that when I feel alone in the boxing ring, I realize there is always someone in my corner.

It's not always who I expected, and half the time I didn't expect to be in the ring at all, but I survive. I'm better and stronger because of all the times things have not gone quite as planned. I am better and stronger because of those who help me endlessly.

I don't really know where I am going with the post, but as I sit at my desk, writing this, I am just so thankful.

My goodness, I am thankful for all the times this past month alone I have been worried, scrambling, and upset. Because I can sit here now and realize that those are the times that have made my appreciate, slow down, and find a space to be happy.

I called my mom last night, and just told her all the things that have been making me nervous, all the things that have made me scared, and I felt myself let go of it all as I said, "I feel safe."

What a revelation is it to realize that you can fly freely without the ridiculous expectations of how things need to be weighing you down. Things happened that are unplanned, messy, and often unwanted and unwarranted, but we make it.

My tires have a much needed 26 pounds of pressure. And I know now that everything ends up being okay.

Sometimes it ends up better.


Link up with Emily at www.embergrey.com for Grateful Heart Monday.

1 comment:

  1. I love your heart, Katie. Alright, for one - please know you can ALWAYS call me. (Actually? I miss our convos! haha!) Second of all, I love so much that your coworker was so sweet to help you. Probably such a little thing to him but meant so much to you, in that moment but especially looking back at it now. I will tell you- my dad taught me lots and lots of things... but he never taught me how to change a tire, etc. (I mean, he gave me a number I could call if I DID get a flat tire but you know... I .... still don't know how to change a flat haha) You know what you need tomorrow? A special coffee. A quiet moment and a special coffee. ..... and fresh flowers.

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