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Sunday, February 15, 2015

Very Yes

I am still trying to figure out a schedule lately that fits in everything from school and work, to writing and spending time outside and with friends and family. 

I have yet to find a schedule that works and allows me to sleep more than four hours a night. Lately, I've been getting frustrated with myself for not being able to do it all. 

Yesterday, I was going through photos from my trip to Bali, Indonesia in June. I started to get emotional as I went through pictures of sweet faces and stunning views. I remembered that nearly a year ago, I boarded a plane by myself with no real plans, no maps, no one to comfort my jittery hands and stomach of butterflies. But I boarded the plane anyways, and I wandered, and I discovered. And even in my moments of fear, I was okay. I learned that I was stronger than I ever thought I was. I learned that my bravery and sense of adventure had been buried under fears and limitations that I had allowed myself to believe were true. 

Bali taught my to appreciate my life. This life filled with a million things I feel I must do. Bali taught me the beauty of simplicity, and the grace of forgiveness. Bali taught me that sometimes keeping track of time is overrated, and the most beautiful things are discovered in the most unlikely of places. Bali showed me that we are all just flawed human beings looking for something that makes us feel whole and connected. 

I am blessed beyond measure to be able to act upon wanderlust, I am blessed to read whatever book I want to, I am blessed to have food, shelter, clothes, love, and never worry when any of those things will come next. I am even blessed to feel overwhelmed and stressed at times. 

As I push myself these past few weeks and tests my limits with school, work, and time for passions, I find myself always tired and worn down. As I flipped through photos in Bali, I realized everyday I was balancing multiple things, just like I am now. The difference was, I encouraged myself instead of undermining myself. 

I realized in Bali, I spoke to myself as a friend. When I found a safe place to stop and get food, I would say, "You are doing so great, Katie!' (Obviously, in my head, I didn't want people to think I was crazy.) I would wander, and say, "You are strong, you will be guided." I would make a new friend, and listen to their stories, and say to myself, "You are love, you are kindness." Each waking moment I validated myself. I didn't wait for someone else to, and I never let an accomplishment slip by without sending myself some self-love. Everything was just a push past fear, everything was to be celebrated.

My first day in Bali, I meet a young Indonesian girl who was 17. I was scared. She could tell. I said, "Do you think it's safe for me here?" She said, "Very yes."

Do I think every moment is going to be easy as I try to find balance in my life? Absolutely not. Do  I think I am capable of finding the balance, and loving myself each step of the way?

I think of the local girl's sweet face and kinds words. I know my answer. "Very yes."

Wishing everyone a beautiful Sunday and week. Be kind to yourself. xoxo. 

fruit market in Bali

Local man dying fabric for scarves





2 comments:

  1. LOVED the paragraph "I realized in Bali, I spoke to myself as a friend...." wonderfully put.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I always feel like such a broken record when I comment on your posts, but I mean what I say every time. Beautiful :) I'm getting ready to travel to Europe and I'm SO ready and open to simple moments of adventure.

    ReplyDelete

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