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Sunday, May 10, 2015

Mother's Day

Mother's Day makes me insanely emotional. It's that good kind of sad, when you realize just how good you have it. Or in my case, what you have and how good it is.

My mom has not always had it easy, but you would think that she has never known defeat. I am my mother. I am often too trusting, optimistic, silly, I eat too much sugar, I cry easily at movies/books/everything, and I think a good pair of shoes can fix any bad day. I love hard, and I could talk to strangers for hours. I laugh wildly when I am tired. But mostly, I am a daughter of a mother who loves me so fearlessly, completely, unconditionally, that I have no choice but to do the same with myself.

And maybe that's the whole point. It's not how great we are in our lives, but how great we make others feel. If I can impact one person the way my mother has impacted me, I will feel like I qualify for a Nobel Peace Prize.

I am sharing a poem today that I wrote  for my mom a few weeks ago about a single drive we took when I was 17. 

When I was seventeen, I felt this enormous lack of faith take over my life. It was a time my sister was sick and we had yet to have a diagnosis, my parents were recently (& messily) divorced, and I was thick in the muds of self-hatred. I found a school in Washington, WSU, and decided I had to go. Pullman was this tiny town with the big university in the center, and I just thought about how much getting away would help.

My mom never went to college and had no money. None, you guys. But I told her I wanted to see the school, and she put two plane tickets on a credit card, and took off with me.

That moment is without a doubt one of the most pivotal in my life. We landed in Spokane, Washington after being so excited and anxious, and drove through snow and fog to Pullman. We couldn't see through our rent-a-car windshields, so we drove slow and listened to James Taylor the whole way.

I just remember looking at my mom, and feeling this immense, indescribable hope. This faith that I had lost was beaming brightly in her eyes.

Things had been really rough. And within a few months we had been uprooted from any sense of normality. But we drove and drove. We both started crying as we realized that everything would be okay. Every little thing that we had given up on, would find it's way back to us, in a way more beautiful than ever before.

Here's the poem I wrote to her. Sending so much love to my mom today- Mama, we are brave now.







we drove down twisted roads
and the sky tried to stop us
but we kept moving forward,
because we are brave now.


you are
bright eyed and giggly
james taylor- singing
happiness- believing
and I want to be just like you.


it’s never been easy.
we are sometimes fish
at the mercy of bears
but there is no one I’d rather
swim the current with


it’s true isn’t it?
that you loved me long before I belonged to you
and my heart yearned for you
my soul knew it would be safe with you
since I was just a thought in the clouds


I see myself in your eyes
in the specks of gold
and when you speak to me
the words curl, sweetly
like everything you say
is wrapping me in a hug.


you are too good, mama
you are of a light that so little have seen
and I never want to forget what it was like
to drive down those twisted roads
crying because things had been really difficult
but in that moment we were reminded
that the things that hurt us, build us
befriend us, eventually nourish us
and in that moment
I had never known anything to be more
true or beautiful.


we can’t see ahead of us
and the sky keeps telling us to turn around
but we move forward,
because we are brave now.


Hugs those who love you unconditionally extra tight today. Happy Mother's Day, xoxo.
Link up with Ember Grey for #gratefulheart.

3 comments:

  1. This is exceptionally beautiful! Your mother sounds like a wonderful, brave woman. How blessed you are to have each other! Happy mother's day to her!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oooh I love this post and may or may not have cried while reading your poem. Ok I cried. What a priceless bond you have with your mom!

    ReplyDelete

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