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Thursday, August 20, 2015

Home: a post for my sister




This post has been edited and cut and reread and then put aside for a while. It’s been cried over and re-pieced back together. I started writing sentences and erased them and then typed with no breaths or breaks, leaving typos and grammatical errors in the dust. Despite the multiple approaches to writing about my sister, none of it felt right.

So instead, I’m going to start fresh. Not because all the other stuff sucked, but because that’s what I realize I am going to have to do for this next journey of mine that doesn’t include her by my side.
________________


People don’t usually understand Lizzie and I and our sisterhood. I don’t expect people to fully understand it and I often just wish people had someone like Lizzie. Someone who is effortlessly kind, supportive, loving, and so carefree. I often wish people could witness and feel the love and joy that being her sister brings me.

I left Las Vegas just before midnight on Lizzie’s birthday, July 28th. I flew straight to New York with a big, heavy heart knowing after New York I would go straight to France, and that I wouldn’t see her till the end of December. And after just four days of us being apart, we were calling each other and spilling out every detail of how different things felt and how hard it was to not be near each other.

After ten days, I begged Lizzie to find a way to visit me. And because sometimes things just work out, Lizzie flew out less than a week later.

I spent this last week relishing in every single second I got to spend with Lizzie. We laughed endlessly and talked about nothing for hours and recalled all of our best childhood memories and made some new ones. We took a train to the city and explored the streets of Soho and walked dozen of miles on blistered feet just to get cupcakes (Georgetown Cupcakes, may I add).

We linked arms and faced new things together. We stopped to talk about what our lives look like and how much we love each other. We danced terribly, and made jokes that we laughed way too hard at.

For Lizzie and I, it was like a week of just pure love and appreciation for each other. It was the best temporary goodbye I could ask for.

As hard as it will be to be away from her, I realized just how special our bond is.  

I think we all get an insane, great blessing in our life. Most of us realize it when we are older, at a time of deep desperation, or sometimes after it is already gone, but I realized mine this week.  

Lizzie is my greatest blessing. I have had a constant source of inspiration, love, support, and trust my entire life. Because of Lizzie, I have this confidence and bravery to face new things and challenge myself because she is constantly in my corner. I think we all search for that in our lives- the person who makes us better without ever making us feel like there is room for improvement. Every step of the way I have been loved, and for that I am so, so grateful.

I was just six weeks old when my mom got pregnant with Liz (yup, not kidding), and 11 months old when I got a baby sister. We grew up having the same dreams that lead us to each other’s rooms to exchange the details only we knew. My favorite stories were the ones she told and I would gladly give up anything if it would make her happy and safe. Because that's how I would be happy and safe.

We’ve mapped our lives to ensure that we end up as neighbors. She was my confidant when our parents divorced and I was her caretaker when she was diagnosed with cancer and then a ganglioneuroma tumor at 16. The really low low's have been beat by some ridiculously high high's, like being each other's roommates in our own cute apartment, going to school together, and mundane things, like making dinner and eating it on our living room floor every night before we had a dining room table.

She’s the person I vent to, run to, and annoyingly beg when I need help cleaning my room. She tucks me in at night when I'm sad, and always buys me Valentine's Day cards. It’s the kind of love that makes me realize so much of me is because of her.


And although we are both individuals, I have grown as a person because of who she is. We become what those closest to us need us to be. I have loved and cherished each part of the process of becoming her sister, and ultimately, the person I have always aimed to be.


Last night I said goodbye to her till Christmas time as we hugged outside the airport crying into each other arms. Her tears vibrated into my shoulder and she said, “come home, remember to come home.”
With those words, I'm starting fresh, not dwelling, and just loving that I get carry around my best memories with me.

I’m starting fresh and trying to remember that home is what we build inside ourselves. My walls built from a sister’s love that is unparalleled to whatever may come next.
Here are some pictures from our past week together:




 











Love you to the moon and back, Liz. You are my favorite part of home.

4 comments:

  1. I love this. I love you two. I love YOU! Safe travels my sweet friend. Lizzie & I will have to have dates when we're desperately missing you! (Which will be a lot) Kisses! xxoo

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  2. I love your bond and that you can write so happily about her despite leaving for France. This will be a new adventure for you both.
    It always makes me wish for this closeness with my sister and I- we are only 15 months apart and we are not as close as you two.
    Enjoy your trip fully. They say the best part of travels is getting to go home

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  3. Tears were brought to my eyes as I read this, simply because it is so beautiful. Bonds like this are irreplaceable, to say the least. Love the connection you two share. Nothing but love Katie! Xoxo.

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  4. Love this post....you two share such a bond that is absolutely amazing and one that I envy as I never had a sister. Here's to two beautiful people and souls!

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