Wednesday, June 1, 2016

Reflect & Relax/ Time in Laguna

This past weekend I went to Laguna Beach for a short weekend trip with my family. The drive is only about 4 and a half hours from my home in Las Vegas, nearly 2 hours of that drive on the same, straight road.

I ended up taking the drive alone, filling the time with podcasts, playlists, and thoughts. I realized it was the most amount of uninterrupted time I've had completely by myself in a long time.

I was alone but not the least bit lonely, realizing that my whole life I've been surrounded by some type of love and acceptance and that I could offer myself that same thing on the drive.

I got to the beach safely and felt myself sink into my breath and my shoulders relax. I felt peaceful. This past month I've been feeling so stuck and sick of certain things in my life, trying to make the right decisions while being in the midst of the troubles that caused them. I think it's impossible to make rational, educated decisions among the wreck of our trials. We have to sometimes step back, drive far from our problems, sit someplace new, with people who unconditionally love us, unplug and just breathe.

I left my phone in the room and laid in the sand and thought of all the blessings that have been spoken to me. All the goodness I have in my life and all the times I have felt so incredibly in tune with myself and the universe. I thought about having the wonderful opportunity to just lie still, to be, to not have someone asking for me but instead being able to reflect on what I need of myself. Feeling present, I thought to myself, "Why am I always looking forward?" Planning, wishing, staring at screens, thinking what I will do in an hour, a day, a month. To just rest in the present moment and not stray, but embrace what my life is now. Realizing it is always enough.

I need my life to be intentional and purposeful- a platform to serve and help others while staying authentic to myself. I need to live in my truth and let go of the people in my life go who lead me astray. I need to always practice gratitude, saying, "thank you" when things feel extra hard, always reflecting on the abundance I have.

Every time I get to spend time on the beach I read Mary Oliver poems because I think she is an absolute gem with a beautiful zest for life. Sharing one of my favorites today and wishing you all a beautiful Sunday.

The Messenger, Mary Oliver

"My work is loving the world.
Here the sunflowers, there the hummingbird—
   equal seekers of sweetness.
Here the quickening yeast; there the blue plums.
Here the clam deep in the speckled sand.

Are my boots old? Is my coat torn?
Am I no longer young, and still not half-perfect? Let me
    keep my mind on what matters,
which is my work,

which is mostly standing still and learning to be
The phoebe, the delphinium.
The sheep in the pasture, and the pasture.
Which is mostly rejoicing, since all the ingredients are here,

which is gratitude, to be given a mind and a heart
    and these body-clothes,
a mouth with which to give shouts of joy
to the moth and the wren, to the sleepy dug-up clam,
telling them all, over and over, how it is
    that we live forever."

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