Saturday, November 19, 2016

15for16 - Haley Jakobson

This is a new series on my blog tailored to what you would tell your teenage self, or early-20's self, or basically any self you felt needed a little more guidance and self-love. A year ago, I studied abroad in France and sat in all these moments that I wished my 15-year old self could have known were coming. Moments of radical forgiveness and grace, moments that promised eventually, it would all be more than okay. Life unfolds as it should and I'm grateful for the great unfolding that is mine, but that doesn't take away from the times that were tough and trying. The times I journaled for hours, wishing words could be a bridge to take me anywhere else. At 22, I would just hug that girl and share what I know to be true. What was true for me ended up in a list of 15 things, and I thought of how we all probably have our own list of 15. Don't we all have bits of wisdom and revelations with each passing day, month, and year? I'll be sharing the thoughts of writers and artists and friends and strangers. 15 things for any age, thoughts you would tell that self of yours.

First up is Haley Jakobson. If you don't follow her on Instagram, do. I read a post of hers and wept. (it's this one if you want to cry too). She's incredible, vulnerable, and true. Her post is bellow, 15 things she would tell her 16-year-old self.

1. everything you know about love isn’t true. 

2. keep writing poems in your math notebook. someday people will eat your words right off the plate and lick the scraps. but also, do your math homework, because apparently discipline is a cool thing you can spill your dreams into. 

3. you don’t have to lick anyone’s dick “like an ice cream cone.” 

4. I’m sorry for what’s coming.

5. when they begin to tell you your blood is made from sin and your fingers tarnished in charcoal betrayal, crawl deeper into your mother’s arms. 

6. beat your chest like fury, shove your budding womanhood into their lockers, smear your skin with the smell of their ignorance so they have no choice but to breathe their own unfairness. prove them all fucking wrong.

7. you can stop telling yourself you wanted to have sex with him.

8. when the gynecologist blinks at you with pity in her eyelashes, tell her how dare she, tell her she’s the reason people can’t get up in the morning, ask her if she ever was a girl with collarbones sprinkled with moondust and didn’t she ever make the mistake of searching for answers in a boy?

9. when you dare to look at your vagina in the bathtub, please don’t make it into a house of shame. 

10. you didn’t want to have sex with him.

11. someone will love you. 

12. a couple someone’s.

13. when you go to that dinner with Grammy, please hold her hand a little longer. you won’t always get to do that. 

14. the walls of your high school are crushing you, your classmates are hiding their own monsters inside your gentle mistakes, your teachers cannot grade the ancient waterfalls washing your ribcage, you are a poet and a prophet and words like entire galaxies live in between your molars.

15. start flossing.

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